Midlife is one of those seasons that can crack us wide open. We’re often navigating change — in our bodies, our families, our work, our sense of identity. And in those moments of vulnerability, it’s natural to want a guide. Someone who’s “been there” and can help you rise through it.
But here’s the truth: when we’re feeling desperate or fragile, it’s also when we’re most at risk of giving our power away. And unfortunately, not every coach, mentor, or healer has your best interests at heart.
I want to share my experience and some reflections that might help you protect yourself — and make sure that if you do choose a guide, it’s someone who will walk beside you with integrity.
My Experience – And I should have known better
When I reached out last year for business/success coaching, I was feeling lost, under pressure, and terrified of failing. I knew I needed support to help me move out of where I was, so I started to look around. Hearing one such coach being interviewed on a podcast, I thought “this is it, this is just the approach I need”. I really resonated with her message and trusted that heart-led approach. When I booked a call, I was upfront: I had no programs yet, no list, and only $5,000 I could stretch to invest.
Initially, we agreed on a manageable plan. But soon, I was told I “needed” to buy into a $10,000+ package. The system didnt work for all the adjustments that would be needed to meet my needs (message: you are being difficult”) I was assured with stories of other women’s success and how I would have no trouble meeting the payments with her support, pressured by “discounted offers” that would disappear, and told “just say yes.”
Against my gut instinct, I agreed — because I was vulnerable and I thought surely she knew better.
The result? Months of debt, anxiety, and despair. The program wasn’t designed for someone in my position, so rather than feeling empowered, I felt ashamed, manipulated, and utterly depleted. Creativity doesn’t florish when you are in anxiety and depression – so creating opportunities for other women to thrive was beyond me, meaning that the more time I spent in this “container”, the more trapped and traumatised I because.
I share this not to tarnish anyone else’s reputation, but to say: please learn from my mistakes! I have been a coach for over 15 years, and I still got caught in the deception.
How to Protect Yourself When Choosing a Coach or Program (even mine!)
1. Pause Before You Say Yes
Your default answer can simply be: “Thank you, I’ll need some time to consider this.” Make it a set time for yourself.
When I was in my 20s and dating, I had a “no sex before 3 months” policy. It basically meant anyone just out for a quick fix was weeded out pretty quickly. It can work for this too.
Remember: A true professional will respect your pause. A manipulator will push urgency. That’s a red flag.
2. Check the Legals
In Australia, most consumer contracts include a 10-day cooling-off period for unsolicited sales or memberships. But many online coaching programs sit in grey zones. Always ask:
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What happens if I change my mind?
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Is there a cooling-off or “bad fit” clause?
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Can I opt out if it’s not right for me?
If the answers are vague or defensive, that’s another red flag.
3. Look for Alignment, Not Just Hype
Ask yourself:
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Do their values resonate with mine?
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Who do they say their work is best suited for?
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Do their testimonials sound like situations I relate to? And are they from people in a similar situation as me?
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Are they offering quick fixes or sustainable growth?
Ask how their values are demonstrated in their work. Again, if the answers are vague or defensive, that’s another red flag.
4. Try Before You Commit
Look for options that let you pay-as-you-go, test a single session (that is what you would be buying, not something else), or join a free/low-cost intro first. This gives you space to feel whether the fit is right, without locking yourself into thousands of dollars of debt.
If the only “option” they give is unrelated to what you are looking to invest in – for example a meditation session, when you are looking to invest significantly in a coaching relationship; – consider if this will be a best fit for you.
Someone in integrity will always give you the option to to try (for example a one-off planning session at an hourly rate) before expecting a commitment of $thousands).
5. Tend to Your Nervous System First
If you’re in panic, burnout, or survival mode, it’s not the time to sign a big contract. Ground yourself first. Free practices like our From Chaos to Calm or guided resets (like our Reset & Reconnect program) can help you get back to a place of clarity before making decisions.
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6. Watch for Red Flags
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Urgency without a good reason (“You need to agree tonight”)
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Guilt or shame (“You always give up when things get hard”)
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Over-promising (“You can double your income in 3 months”)
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Lack of transparency around total costs (for example – several amounts are mentioned making it unclear what you are committing, particularly when you are in a vulnerable state, or no clear expected outcomes shared)
- Lack of accountability of the Coach, etc (for example – they hand all their clients over to a debt collector to manage so they don’t have to take responsibility of their outcomes to get paid, and there isn’t clarity around what they will do to support you if things aren’t working)
- Lock in, Long Term Contracts with no Out clauses (for either party)
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No mention of your unique needs, only their package and themselves.
The Safer Alternative
At Queen Be Rising, I’ve designed the Rising Feminine Framework — which informs all our programs and experiences — as a way to empower you without pressure. It’s just one example of how these kind of experiences should be:
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Pay-as-you-go or different pricing options: no long term lock-ins.
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Money back/ Balance back options: if it doesn’t feel right, you can step away.
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Intimate groups when in-person: so your voice is heard, and your needs matter.
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Nervous-system first: practices to bring you back to calm before we step into deeper work.
- Trauma Informed (in reality, not just words): your safety is paramount
- People before Profit: as a social enterprise, we are commited to giving back to our most vulnerable people. In our case, we do this through free access to our Learn2Learn offerings for Australian Indigenous students (any age), free Menopause resources for ALL women, and through sponsored access for women who have experienced domestic violence are are looking to rebuild their identity and lives.
Coaching, Mentoring and Healing should never be about taking your power away. It should be about helping you step into it.
Don’t just take my word for it.
The International Coaching Federation (ICF) — the leading global body for coaching standards — makes this a core part of its Code of Ethics. Member Coaches are required to create clear written agreements, outline financial terms up front, and ensure that clients have the right to step away if it’s not the right fit.
The ICF also emphasises transparency, confidentiality, and fairness as non-negotiables. So if you ever feel pressured into a lock-in contract, shamed for wanting time to think, or left in the dark about your options, know this: it’s not just your intuition waving a red flag — it’s out of alignment with professional ethical standards. This isn’t going to be someone with your best interests at heart!
Final Thoughts
If you’re considering working with a coach, mentor, or healer, I encourage you to take your time.
Breathe.
Tune into your intuition.
Notice whether you feel expanded in their presence, or smaller, paniced or pressured.
Remember: you are the one in the driver’s seat.
A true guide won’t ask you to hand over the wheel.